FEEL THE BERNIE

I’ve always liked Senator Sanders because he’s a passionate curmudgeon. But I fell in love after reading of his interview with the editors of Cosmo. My favorite exchange was this one. “Cosmo: What’s your skincare routine? Bernie: Not much. Cosmo: Do you moisturize? Bernie: I put on something. I got something, the doctor gave me something years ago, I put it on. I’m not quite sure…” That’s when I knew that Bernie and I were siblings on the skin. I can’t tell you how many home skincare parties I’ve attended (to help out friends trying to start a home business or, in some cases, under coercion.) I used to always come home with a pink bag full of boxes and wands and jars and lipsticks in appealing sounding colors like Peach Parfait (who could resist that?), and peppermint ice cream and coral glaze (doughnuts) – do you see a pattern here? Anyway, the societal push for skincare is intense. Not just moisturizer but products for cleansing, pore opening, overnight repair creams, hydrating lampoules, illuminating face oils, cleansers, face masks, eye masks, toners, active serums, eyecreams, sunscreens, collagen extract, etc. Purify, detox, balance that blasted ph. The list goes on. My favorite question at these home parties (aside from the request for you to schedule the same sort of event in your own home with the same set of friends) is the same as Bernie’s: What is your skincare routine? I never answered “not much.” There was a time that I confessed the truth and replied, “uh, soap. Diale soap. In the shower.” The response I got was not as forgiving as the one Bernie received from Cosmo, but then he’s a true star. I haven’t been invited to a skincare party in years but the miracle-slash-curse of internet shopping has seduced me into buying dozens of containers and tubes of various miracle products promising to make the wrinkles disappear and bring the roses back to your cheeks. I’ve ordered them, paid for ‘em and have set them up in a tray in my bathroom. But I still don’t use them. All except Peach Parfait. Seriously. It tastes like peaches.